Longarm quilting and snippets of my life

Forever 19

Today is the 2nd aniversary of my oldes son James’ death. He was 19 and committed suicide. There was no note, no reason, no one knew anything was wrong, he just came home and shot himself. He was only 4 days away from moving into his own apartment and starting college in Portland. He was very excited about having his own place. Losing him was something I will never get over. I just move forward, missing him dearly every day.

He was such a wonderful person, he lit up a room with his soft, caring spirit. He had a lot of friends, who miss him terribly too. He loved to play the electric guitar, and I have to say he was quite good. He was a natural artist. He always loved to draw from the time he was litte. Here is a sketch he did when he was probably 16, just sitting in his room, listening to music and drawing. james-dragon.jpg  He loved to draw dragons and creatures from another world.

After he died, the photographer who took his senior pictures, made a little book for us with some of those pictures. It was a very special gift to us. These are a couple of the pictures from that book.james-book.jpg james.jpg


He is forever 19, and he is missed.

Comments on: "Forever 19" (10)

  1. TeresaL said:

    Carie, you’ve been in my thoughts all day.

    James was a handsome young man, with a sparkle in his eye and a great smile.

    I wish I knew some words that would comfort.

    My best to you.

  2. Carie,

    I have also kept you, Jim, Robert, and the rest of your family close in my thoughts and my prayers today. I’m so glad that you’ve shared pictures of James. I can see his gentle spirit in his smile. I feel very blessed by what you’ve shared with me, and I am here for you as you move forward. One step at a time, my friend.

    Hugs to all of you.

  3. Cindy said:

    I still miss him every day. It was great to see James in your blog. What a wonderful person he was and I will never forget the joy he brought into my life always. He will always be missed.
    Aunt Cindy

  4. beautiful pictures carie. Your loss is uncomprehendable. thanks for sharing.

  5. carlafibers said:

    Oh Carie, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son to suicide. Hugs to you!

  6. rondabeyer said:

    Suicide is a terrible thing for those left to try to figure out the “Why’s”, and what “If’s” and we should have seen it……. We are starting into the 2nd year of my brothers suicide, it is so sad, so maddening and our hearts miss and love him everyday. We too just move forward and deal with the waves of emotion as the tide comes in….. I not only lost my brother but I lost the mother I knew for 46 years…….

    Hugs to you and your family, I know how difficult it is, my Mom calls to talk on the bad days, at least she talks to me, I cannot bear the thought of upsetting her on my bad days so I just cry and talk to him and myself. He did leave a note but trust me Carie it does not make the act any easier or any easier to understand why they did what they did, we just beat ourselves up and ask why we did not see the things that were overtaking him. There is so much help for them, there was so much love for them, there was so much pride in them, they were just to sick to see it. Like I tell my Mom one day we will find out, and I will get to hug him and kick his behind for doing what he did and for hurting our Mom as he did…. If today is the worst day of our lives then tomorrow can only be better… So sad, so senseless.. Love to you…..

  7. eileenkny said:

    There are no words. We’ve lost 4 of our Scouts in the last 10 years. Since this is a small village of only 3000 people, we all know each other and can come together to share our memories. I wish you love, hugs and many friends and family during this time.

  8. Anita aka Grannypatches said:

    A little over a year ago my son also committed suicide. I feel your pain too. We learn to live with it but we never get over it. Hugs to you! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  9. AllenQuilts said:

    This is a pain that no mother should have to bear…I’m so sorry, Carie.

  10. My son is the same age as yours would be today and I cannot imagine losing him or how it must feel to not understand why. I am holding you in my prayers and thoughts. Hugs from Wisconsin. Terri

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